Diary of a Serial Dater; Aged 36 and a Half - Chapter 6

Chapter 6: 1 + 1 = 0


I was never very good at maths at school. My mother can corroborate this fact, as unfortunately for her, she was my maths teacher in the early years. Sometimes in life, you just have to accept that some things you are good at, and some things…. well, you’re just not. I specifically remember having to do a maths project in 5th year which was about probability. If I had been any good at maths, I could have worked out what the probability was of meeting a half-decent guy in amongst all the dregs. Turns out, I still don’t know the answer, so I kind of have to make a wild guess along the way as to whether I’ve got to “that guy” yet. I thought that perhaps I had when I came across Ally.


Perhaps I haven’t made this part clear, but I don’t have a “type”. What is chemistry between people anyway? It could simply be a look, or the way they smell, or that you have things in common with them. When you date “online” you make a snap decision about a person based on… well, that’s part of the challenge; their profile blurb; their photo; their interests, hobbies, or pets. When I saw Ally’s photo I immediately fancied him. Weirdly, he reminded me of Shaggy from Scooby-Doo. Slightly dishevelled looking, in need of a haircut and a shave, with a crooked grin; but there was something about him that made me want to know more.


Our first date kind of happened without too much fore-thought or planning, and we went for a few drinks in a city bar. The conversation was easy, he was pleasant on the eye, had a good job, was educated, and still attractive in his baggy jeans and scruffy trainers. When Ally walked me to the train station, he did the thing that makes us girls go weak at the knees. He didn’t ASK to kiss me; he just did; taking my face gently in his hands. Butterfly city!


I saw Ally again the following weekend. We had a really romantic ‘cultural visit’ to a historic monument, interspersed with lots of hand holding and generally smoochy behaviour. Exactly the kind of public display of affection that, normally as a single person, I hate to witness in others! We went for a meal at a cosy pub, and as we were the only people in the place, the barman seemed fairly keen to engage in conversation with us. Upon bringing us our meals, the barman commented on what a lovely couple we made, and had we been dating long? I looked over at Ally, not sure how to answer, and he replied, “this is our 2nd date”, looking at me with a smile which made me go all goo-ey. “Noooo!” said the barman, “you look like you’ve been together for years!” to which I said nothing, but inwardly starting high-fiving myself on finally finding a boyfriend!

Ally drove me home that afternoon, and we continued our smoochy-ness like a couple of teenagers. It was a bit awkward and a bit fumbly, but I was caught up in the moment and well, had been single for ever!

“If he’s not calling you, it’s because you are not on his mind.”


Greg Behrendt (He’s Just Not That into You)


I didn’t hear from Ally for about a week after our second date. I really really wanted to follow the “rules” of dating, but was naturally confused as to what the hell was going on! Had I jumped the gun? Clearly he had gone off me and well, had had his cake, and had eaten it. The following are actual excerpts from Facebook with one of my all-time favourite girlfriends. It is also an insight into the private workings of my (slightly crazy) mind…

05/04/2013

Me

Pfffffffffffft! FFS!!! JUST got a text from Ally saying: "Hey, had drinks out last night. Pals away home now so can relax, back to work on Sunday. You up to much?"


So? WTF do I do with this? Wait 24 hours before I fecking bother to reply to HIS message?! Do you think he is just not wanting to see me but doesn't want to be rude... and is just trying to be nice? Arrrgggggggggg. Help! I need a man's perspective. Would ask my flatmate but he is hiding in his room, plus I don't know him THAT well.......


My friend

No, reply and engage in the conversation, he's written back and he's asked a question... Seems he's hoping for a reply! Get your stubborn head off for now, ask him jokingly what happened to your date x


Me

Ocht was all set in my head that he wasn't bothered. But maybe this is the "modern" way???! I don't want to ask him about the date! I'm not gonna say I have another date though.... just think it wouldn't have taken 5 mins for him to text me last night. I could say I'm just popping into town tomorrow and leave it at that...? x


Me

Ok I'm about to text him back...


My friend

Good luck x x


Me

Pfffft. Am I BOVVERED???? Haha x


My friend

Ha ha x x


Me

Ooooooh interesting!! Ok his reply:

"It was nice here today too. Red wine sounds good also! Can we make a plan and book you next weekend?! I'm off Saturday and Sunday, fancy a trip back through here?! x"

Well, well, well.......


My friend

You see!!! X x x


Me

Hahaha I'm such a fanny! I'm all happy now! Fanny heid!! So maybe my NOT texting him every day worked? Who knows. But totally I'll be dating him next weekend! Xx


My friend

Wooo!! If you had listened to your own advice you wouldn't have text him at all!! Hope you have a fab time tomorrow let me know how it goes x x


Me

Haha ok ok I know.... will do! Xx


About a week later…..


13/04/2013

Me

Hi Missy!!! Yes am excited! I still have the very last dregs of a coldsore though and I have 7 hours to get rid of it!! Any suggestions?!?!? I am using Zovirax and also toothpaste! I'm not leaving til 4.30 - meeting Ally at 6.30. At his suggestion I am staying over with an overnight bag (!) so he is picking me up from the train station, then dropping my stuff off then we're going out for dinner and drinks I'm guessing. Don't actually know what he has got planned! I do know tomorrow that we are going for a walk etc. So today will be spent chilling, shaving my legs, and choosing what to wear!!! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! Xxxxxxxx


My friend

Oooooo!!! Sounds saucy!!! Ha ha better than a day date anyway!! I don't get cold sores, but I would suggest moisturising around the area so it's not tight and keep using your cream! Touch it as little as possible! Who cares he won't be thinking about that!! X x x


Me

Question... packing for overnight stay. Should I take my "tigger" pyjamas... or a see through red negligee thing. Assuming there is nakedness, or just a t shirt and pants??!?!


Me

Hmmm decided on the t-shirt and pants


My friend

Both!! You can suggest wearing it if the night is going that way!! Little thing for him to think about x x


Me

Erk cringe!!! Haha he seems like the quiet type... but I could be sorely mistaken! This is gonna be interesting?!?! X


My friend

Ha ha!! He might lead that sort of conversation you never know!! Have a back up plan for nightwear ha! You might not even need any!! Exciting x x


Me

Haha it's so bloody new! But good! Getting myself ready in stages. Bus at half 4! Xxx


My friend

It's good that he's very keen! X x


The following day


14/04/2013


Me

I'm on the train so crappy signal. But! Had a lovely time. He was alright!! Just need to direct him to the ******** and we'll be cooking with gas!! Xxx


My friend

Ha ha!!! ooooo.... Did you wear your sexy stuff? Or no need!? X x x


Me

Haha no need xx


My friend

How are you feeling about him now? X x


Me

Very smoochy towards him!! Haha x


My friend

Aww Yey!!! When are you seeing him again? X x


Me

Ocht I don't know he works shifts and we've both got stuff on. Haven't made any concrete plans but each time I see him there is more to like x


My friend

That's good better to take it slow anyway! Happy for you x x


Me

Very true! Thank you let's see how this one pans oot!!! Xx


The next month


09/05/2013

My friend

Hows’ your man? Xx


Me

What man???!! Ocht ppfffffffftttt this time I think it's it. He was meant to visit me on Saturday for the night - I had cooked a meal and everything, flatmate was away so was all set for a nice night, then he texted me at 3pm on Saturday saying sorry but he had a cold and wasn't up to it......... I texted back no probs, get well etc etc but will not be texting him again! Not going through that whole rigmarole - this time it's more than definitely up to him seeing as he broke a date! X


My friend

That's fair!! Shit that you cooked for him and he did that!!


Me

Yeah I wasn't impressed by the cancellation - had shaved my legs, clean sheets on the bed, wine bought...... plus am sick of guys doing shit like that so even if he was being genuine it's still so lame. Fedup.com with men giving up!!!!


My friend

Could have come anyway and made the effort he wasn't dying so no excuse in my eyes!!! Was everything ok until then?


Me

Yeah exactly - well I hadn't seen him since the date, we had been in touch and he said he was looking forward to catching up, I guess it comes down to me not knowing him well enough to establish if he actually was being genuine and feeling crap, or just giving me a load of bullshit. Can't be arsed with it!!!


My friend

And you don't want to be pushy and make a deal of it! Don't tell him to beat it if he makes an effort again though ha ha!! Tricky situation x x


Me

Exactly! Ochhhhhhhtttttttttttttttt!!! Pfffffffffffffft and all those things. Xxx

Ally basically faded away to nothing. He didn’t get in touch, and my pride was too dented to get back to him. In hindsight there were lots of things I could have done differently, but then love is like maths. And I’m crap at maths.

Chapter 7 - 50 Shades of Rock

continues next Saturday...

Saturday 14th November 2020 @ 6pm

on Something Special Introduction's Blog.


An affordable Matchmaking and Events Introductions Agency, helping singles find their 'something special'

and helping everyone increase their 'circle' of friends.

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