Chapter 4: Fireman Sam
“Sam” had a hidden profile. He is one of those people that for some reason have “private settings” on their accounts. To me this is daft, as surely if you want to date someone you want to know what they look like! Anyway, as I’m now becoming a “pro” at this dating game, I knew that I could adjust MY settings to basically disallow any contact from men who didn’t have a photo. When Sam’s message got a knockback, he obliged and sent me a photo. He was hot! Damn hot in fact!!
Sam was into climbing and had a ridiculous set of muscles. He also had me in stitches with his banter, and we had a mutual appreciation of Monty Python. Surely I had hit the jackpot! Plus, according to the online statistics, “research shows that if you are in contact with 100 different users, 50% of the time your future partner is in the top 10, and 17% of the time the top user on this list is the person you will end up dating.” Sam was in the top 10, and after all, “the list has been generated by our resident team of PhDs who are experts in compatibility science”.
I think Sam and I messaged one another for about 2 weeks. He told me he was a joiner (ooh) and that he liked indoor climbing. After the 2nd week he told me he was also a part-time Fireman. A fireman AND a joiner! Good grief, could this man be any more perfect?!
Sam apparently was going through a separation and his ex-wife was living in their house, which meant he had to bunk in with his sister. His sister had 2 kids, whom he adored, and took them climbing with him sometimes on a Friday night. “What a decent guy”, I thought. Ok so he’s a bit down on his luck, but from personal experience I knew that sometimes shit happens! Plus, I reminded myself, he was a joiner AND a fireman….
Errr… wait a minute… Sam…. FIREMAN SAM???!?!
I asked “Sam” about this Fireman Sam deal and he basically laughed it off, saying he got that all the time. No biggie.
On the night of our date, I was ridiculously nervous. Sam had come out to my village to meet me in the pub (same pub as The Soldier), and as it was winter, that same damn fire was blazing. As soon as I walked in from out of the cold, I could feel my face flush bright red, and as I sat down opposite this Adonis I felt that he was looking slightly concerned at my sweaty brow.
The nerves soon abated after a few glugs of red wine, and we got to the chit chat. Sam was showing me photos on his phone of slightly unfortunate females who had been in touch with him, and we were having a good laugh at the whole online dating thing. I recounted my tale of woe vis-à-vis hairy Chris, and he reciprocated with similar stories. Skipping through his photos he stopped and said, “oh and here’s a picture of my kids”.
His kids??? What kids?
“I told you I had kids… didn’t I” he said. “Errr… nooooo… you said you lived with your SISTER’S kids…” and your sister…?
“Ah no, you must have misunderstood. I live with my sister, but she doesn’t have kids, I do…”
Nee naawww neee naawwww. This was not the sound of Sam’s fire engine, but the warning bells in my head as suddenly it all became clear. Fireman “Sam” with the private settings was not “Sam” after all. Was most likely not living with his “sister” and it was all another façade…
It was actually only AFTER this date that all the pennies dropped into place. Sam asked me out again, and we were all set to go for dinner, until he called me half an hour before he was due to pick me up to say his truck was stuck in the snow. He said he wanted to reschedule, but he never did…