Chapter 1 : Dipping my toe in the Dating Water
*names have been changed to protect identities, or in some cases made up because I can’t actually remember their name…
“If you want to be successful on (*insert online dating website name here), try this:
Talk about your hobbies.
Talk about your goals and aspirations.
Talk about yourself and what makes you unique.
Talk about your taste in music.”
Honestly, I can’t remember what I first wrote about myself. I signed up for one of these online dating sites about 18 months ago, and I’ve had a few profiles since then. You live and learn! I expect I did talk about my taste in music for one, but actually, who really gives a fuck? I’m not going to NOT date you because you have a morbid fascination with Oasis or Black Sabbath, or any genre of music for that matter. Musical taste is personal and in my opinion has nothing to do with whether you’re dateable or not!
Hobbies, goals, aspirations, and what makes you unique. Now we’re talking.
The first guy that messaged me; let’s call him Gordon, seemed very promising! He was “outdoorsy” (tick), liked Gin (ooh big tick), and lived and worked on an Estate (yeehah! Tick!). Turns out Gordon had been single for probably longer than myself and had forgotten the normal protocol of generally not being a freakishly scary full-on cyber stalker! I mean, ok it’s flattering to have your inbox overflowing with messages, but in hindsight I really shouldn’t have given him my mobile number. After less than a week of conversing I was waking up to daily messages of the sickly sweet variety, which continued all day long. Bearing in mind that I hadn’t actually met Gordon, it was a little odd, to say the least.
Good morning gorgeous! Hope the weather is nice with you. What are you doing today? Hope you have a lovely day xx
Hi gorgeous! How is your day? Are you on lunch yet? What are you having for lunch? Hope you have a lovely afternoon xx
Evening gorgeous! How are you? How was your day? Are you home yet? What’s for dinner tonight? I’m sitting here drinking GnT and thinking about how I wish you were here so you could share it with me, and I could give you a foot massage to ease away the aches and pains of your day xxx
Hmmmm. Somewhat overfamiliar there Gordon???! Needless to say, I never actually met Gordon. I did summon the courage to tell him over the ‘phone that I thought he was jumping the gun somewhat, and perhaps it wasn’t such a good idea to date him. He was unusually upset and wished me luck, adding that if I ever changed my mind, he would be waiting.